Chinner

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

Let me introduce you to Chinner , I have known him since I was three. Chinner is a chimpanzee that Dad won at the Spencer County Fair in Clay County,Mom is from Spencer Iowa.

Chinner is black and yellow plastic face,plastic hands, plastic ears. My older half sister wanted him and she always got what she wanted.But not this time three year old Val got him.

If you’re a gay middle daughter in small rural town and your dad liked beer alot and you don’t have any friends because if you bring friends home your dad who’s an alcoholic humiliates you in front of them. It was always as if humiliating gave dad great joy .

When I was 9 my cousins thought it was funny pushed Chinner close to a firework that went off so he had to have surgery on his leg and put it back together like Humpty Dumpty.

That didn’t hurt as much as what I found out when I came out to cousin at 40. My dad had told all my cousins and my family that I was retarded, developmentally slow because of my emotions. And I didn’t date men. My cousin Leanne thought that, that was odd because I had passed with high scores in both the Army battery exams I took one to get in the United States Army 78 and to get in the United States Marine Corps in 84.

I have never been retarded, I told her I have always been gay. That was the last conversation we ever had, I don’t know if my cousin Leanne is still alive or not.

Chinner gave me confidence,courage to be me. Chinner was is my best travel companion. When I went to work in the Black Hills 1994 he was right up front with me. Chinner is 62 years old now has no ears no fingers. That’s silly old monkey right now is sitting sort of crumpled on my shelf .

The other day I found him underneath a chair a cat to push them off a shelf. Made me cry! Pretty much what I’m doing now! I don’t see him all the time but I know exactly where he is.

That monkey in my heart of hearts will always be my best friend I told all my secrets to him he never gave them away you might say well he was just a stuffed toy. He wasn’t just anything he was my voice he didn’t say anything but he spoke volumes!

When you’re the gay daughter of an alcoholic who takes on the duty of keeping your mom safe and couldn’t keep her safe from your older half sister who lied you on the Elder Abuse,then corrupted the truth to such an extent that all those you loved with all your heart throw you away. Then you really need someone in your corner that keeps you from taking your life so that the bastard who slandered your good name doesn’t win!

How could I leave my four cats who survived my half sister’s fire December 3rd,2014. Fire that killed me twice, smoke of inhalation, burnt lungs.

Diana Lee,my half sister set a fire in our electric dryer it hadn’t been used December 3rd two fourteen, everybody says well it simmered all day that’s why it took so long for it to ignight at 10:03pm when I discovered the fire it was on the stairs it looked like a dragon’s breath. of the five smoke alarms only one went off and it was in the stairwell the fire had to go underneath the bathroom floor to get to the seller cuz they’re underneath the bathroom floor came out in the cellar how long did it take I have no idea the dryer had not been used at all that day and no one cared to ask no one inspected it no one cared!

In order for a smoke alarm to work smoke has to reach the alarm. I had the alarms all through the house one in the laundry room one in Mom’s bedroom one at the top of the stairs one in the living room and one in the Diana would have had to in October when she was in the house after she threatened mother removed all the batteries. If the batteries had been in them the one in mother’s room would have gone off first or the one in the laundry room none of them went off just the one in the basement.

I was airlifted to Iowa University hospitals burn unit it was in the intensive care for 4 days neither one of my sisters came to see me my two nephews at work in Cedar Rapids came. When I was brought back to Waukon,Iowa,my hometown first place I was taking was to the local fire department so I could be accused of having set the fire. My little sister Ellen was in the back of the room they had accused me of leaving the lint in the laundry and that the lint had started the fire but I took it out religiously my little sister used it to start her stove in her basement and she spoke up to that effect.

My four cats was the last of my nine cats to survive. Diana had taken mom’s cat’s life Rusty was always the first one out any door.