Being fifty

Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

At forty-nine I told my favorite aunt,

my aunt Clarion’s husband was a pissant named Bud,

Bud’s real name was Julian Jasper so we called him Bud,

Mom had a tendency, of whenever she wasn’t happy and it all life what she assumed others thought she was doing,

I lost my home in 2005 ended up back in the sinkhole of life that is Iowa being gay in a small world town is not easy and being a soft Butch is much easier not to ever come out just to sit home cut yourself and die,

Been hit twice by the time I was 50 by cars like the energy bunny kept on going,

There wasn’t anything in my hometown for me a soft Butch lesbian who everybody whenever I went into the bathroom would holler that’s the woman’s room like they were being funny and like it was original,

So I figured since I was butt crack poor,

I might as well back to school and get my BA, that I started when I was 18,

We are going to Lansing Iowa to the Riviera for supper one night it was mother’s birthday she just hit 75,

I rode my aunt and uncle and their middle son Wayne  who had been the head of voters registration in Iowa in Des Moines till he retired,

I knew it wasn’t a crowd to come out too so I didn’t,

There’s never any support in straight rural Iowan family members of soft butch gay lesbian from Waukon, Iowa my rural community,

So I broached a different subject,

I said in January I start Northeast Iowa community College degrees so before I transfer into losing College,

Bud sad and who’s paying for that!

I wanted a screen ficker at her ,

The top of my lungs ,

I took care of my mom since I was 9 years old I promise she’d never have to leave her home ,

Or go into a nursing home and I would have kept that promise  of jer leaving.her home if ot wasn’t for my narcissistic sister Diana Lee Dudley,

Come January, I was in my first class the Northeast Iowa community College at the Wellness center in Waukon they had a satellite office,

August 11th 2008 after my final and culture diversity I was hit by a 93-year-old retired attorney Lynn Morrow on 8th avenue and 5th Street three blocks from school I had to take my finale,

Lynn Morrow didn’t  get a ticket in for striking  a lesbian soft Butch  walking with her bike in a cross walk on eigh.Lynn was not ticketed.,

I could taste how much I wanted my BA I studied psychology and history and nicc and wanted to associate’s degrees to accompany me since I couldn’t test out of statistics no one would help me test in another way no one cares that I had a disability in math.

Sometimes wanting what you want and getting what you want is two very different things. I wanted to work toward teaching college little history specializing in military history and when it came time that Americans finally saw that gays and lesbians were at every stage of America’s Life in existence and we are heroes too I wanted to teach our history.

Life takes a harsh road harsh road. it’s so much like the movie It’s a wonderful Life. I always hated that movie was the worst Jimmy Jimmy Stewart movie ever when I was 14 I knew exactly what it felt like. If the character Jimmy was playing wasn’t there at that point to save his younger brother his entire life would have been different devastated.

I came into this world with a quarter wrapped around my next three times. Until the doctor was needed that March 10th of 1958, he was playing pinochle with my dad. Back then dads weren’t needed or expected to be in with their wives and watch them and begin old TV shows and movies just told the father go boil water. boiling water wasn’t for any other point but to get the husband out of the way.

Everything that happens to you is traumatic everything that happens to you is important! I learned in 2015 when I finally got my MRI after being hit by a car bouncing off the road and dying twice then I had an MIR. I might have a letters in the wrong place but then I have a TBI I have two so give me a break. I know and you mess up the letters it’s not interchangeable but I mean the TBI which is a traumatic brain injury and when it happened the first time in 2008 August no one bother to do the exam the test I was sent home the night I got hit by a car.

I had had several years of psychology and I had studied I had taken a class called exceptional learners with deals with the brain. 6% of the population cannot test out of statistics that were not hit by a car and then thrown into the concrete so hard it shattered my right wrist.

They discovered at some point in my life whether it was at birth when I was back  in the birth canal struggling to survive or bouncing off the road or having my head slammed into the wall by the Waukon fire department in two fourteen after my older sister Diana set our electric drier on fire December 3rd,2014. I had suffered two strokes.

Due to the burnt lungs I sustained I’m not faithful night December 3rd ten oh three, twenty fourteen my heart will never get enough air. But I don’t power walk so I have trouble breathing I do the best I can. I have goals and I still want to achieve just because I’m 65 going on 66 doesn’t mean I’m done.

I still hope to have a feisty woman in my life to spend my eternity with eternity here and when I leave this earthly realm. but right now I’m the only ass that I have my own that I’m buying the books that are surround me and my first people that I want to  have in good homes.

There is a woman years ago who I learned about listening to PBS when they were talking about my gay community in Iowa. She was a lovely lady Des Moines,Iowa. This Lady owns her own home. I want to own three trailers here my own and rent two of the trailers by the month to lgbtq who are in the area either for the summer or are working in the low the hospitals as soon as they can rent rent a home and not a pardon expression God damn motel room.

The little lady in Des Moines and I forgot about the story I’m telling she opened her house to the gay community to have a place to go to be who they are play cards and to socialize with other gay community members that weren’t able to meet and greet.

When I lived in in Virginia there was a club called 216 in Charlottesville. I was a member there I had taken up a lady who I took care of her cats when she worked in in Richmond and she wasn’t impressed I think that was her loss. first time I ever had sex all night long was with a really cool lady in my Geo in the parking lot. I was 40 second time was in Charlottesville but it was in the car car lot I don’t know what they’re called they’re buildings and they have cars in so whatever it was I was in there that wasn’t as much that wasn’t as cool.

There’s no handbook for being gay. my lesbian vampire has a handbook she’s a character I write.

life is precious but it’s not yours it’s for you to enjoy and to help oh shoot the best expression I can think of is it’s from one of my favorite movies with Barbra Streisand of course Hello Dolly’s husband Ephraim had a saying. and when she’s deciding if she should marry Horrus Vanderbilt that she loves she asked for a sign from her dearly departed husband.

Dolly said I need a sign will win Horace came to see her cuz he was upset because his young fellows in his store had had started a store in Yonkers and she overheard him say this to Workman who he had hired to paint. ‘Money is like manure it needs to be spread around to encourage young things to grow!’ Now I have 8 minutes to submit this go and do as much as you can in life hope as many as you can and hope that they know you did it I love but don’t worry about it because you did it for the best reasons life is too short to worry about it