Not beat up

I feel sad that I didn’t have the patience to help a friend,

After 6 years and every night having your call several times,

Down in the dumps trying to survive the past,

I had to think of me,

that’s not normal for me,

I always try to be there for others,

She was raped by her dad and her uncle at 2 years old,

Is overwhelming sadness,

I didn’t think I could survive it and it wasn’t my pain,

I didn’t know what to do,

So I did nothing,

Every now and then I feel I should call Celia,

And just say hi,

But there is no just high for Celia,

It’s long drawn out guilt,

I can’t,

I won’t,

It makes you feel mired down,

slSo tell myself,

I’m doing the best I can,

I’m helping her by not helping her,

We got a lame ass decision is that,

I can’t even put a question mark there,

Catches in my throat,

She was friend,

Celia is a friend,

alAnd I ‘m  lost,

I know it’s cheating s*** but I’m walking!