misinterpreted

Who do I look up to,

Who did I have for guidance,

I’m gay,

There was no one along the way,

No one stood for me,

Not even when I was lied about,

They chose to follow the one who was doing the lying,

Typical Christians,

I care completely,

With a full heart,

Had an honorable life,

Loved and stood by my mom,

No one cared!

They allow the bully of my family to decimate my mom,

The only way I was different from them was that I didn’t date men,

I don’t date men,

I am the same person I always was,

I carried a full College load when I returned to school at 50,

In August of the year I turned 50 I went through a 93-year-old retired attorneys windshield and then was thrown to the concrete hard enough to smash a right wrist bits causing my first TBI on my front upper lobe my analytical thinking inside of My Brain,

I can’t do higher math and I can’t master language,

After losing my home in Virginia,

In two o five, Gays & Lesbians had no protection under the law for equal housing,

I looked up to my older sister Diana Lee Dudley,

Who saw me as a tool,

Since I was nine I was the babysitter of her kid,

At ten, after saying goodbye to my dog my best friend and going to school,

Diana arrived with her son and a dog look like Benji named Patches,

Diana was always armed,

She came to our home with suitcases of lies,

My sister’s a narcissist,

Grandiose should be her name,

One lie after another she fired like a Gatling gun,

First she player on  mother’s sympathies,

1. Patches parents are going to Mexico to be missionaries he needs a home or they have to put him down!

Mom stood up to that lie. Mom said Val has a dog.¹

2. Diana’s  second lie what’s deadlier ‘Well mother if you want to see your grandson ever again you will get rid of Val’s dog!

When I got home!

No Casey came running to meet me!

Nobody jumped up on my lap and said hi Val I miss you!

No one would tell me where he’d gone and tell me where he had to take it to it was years later on mother told me the truth I was 18 . I had lost the ability to trust my mother.

When I finally came out at forty I told my older sister Diana.   Diana could barely wait to tell mother.²

At Luther College, my advisor was Dr Jeanette Pillsbury  she retired so she moved to Virginia so she could teach more. I hope she’s a better teacher than she was a friend or an advisor. As far as I can see she’s failed on both counts. She said that she’d stand up for me when I knew for sure I had TBI’s . after my MRI.

Dr.Jeanette Pillsbury  went with me to the  neurologist she heard the report that I had had two strokes and  I had two TBI’ .However couldn’t be bothered to stand up for me with a school board in January a two sixteen, I failed out of Luther College . Due to the fact I could not passed statistics doing the formulas  and that’s the only way they would allow me to test out a statistics. I understand it I can’t test out of it. I had no intention of going into research I wanted to teach history! I think the entire School failed me!

I trust Ruth Lanning in Arizona who I adopted last year as my only sister. I know a couple writers here I believe that I can trust maybe two John Coyote and Donna from Chicago I’m not sure of her last name but I know she’s counselor and I trust her. I trust me I know what I need and I know how I have to work to get it. I trust my cat Sophie and Theodore and Molly.

Not another soul until I’m Ash. I have all the scars I can bare.

Footnote:

1. She’s a week before Diana and her family had been over from Ayrshire Iowa for a visit. my dog Casey was a pup. a young golden cocker Park golden retriever Park cocker the grand dog of our dog Penny. I loved him to the moon and back. he had run across the field over to where Robert was and Robert was just learning to walk and he fell down. the head was Casey’s crime see that’s why you had to get got to be gotten rid of because he had knocked her son down a puppy had run over to a little boy and he had fallen down!

Fifty-six years later I still miss my Casey.

2. Guess what Val thinks now. I wasn’t aware of the fact that because I didn’t date man I was assumed to be mentally retarded by my family. One my oldest cousins told me that did it always told everybody I was mentally challenged. my cousin didn’t get it because I had passed both the Army battery exams with high marks to get into the United States Army and the Marine Corps.

I totally and I had never been retarded but I’ve always been gay and that’s the last I ever heard from her. I was written off because I’m gay. I was lied on the elder abuse the four is our mother from her home because I’m gay. I trusted Dr Janet Pillsbury my advisor Luther College. When it was proven that I wasn’t stupid because I couldn’t test out of  Statistics and have two TBI’ my adviser could not even stand for me.

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: People we admire or trust https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/val-whitewolf/episodes/People-we-admire-or-trust-e2j8ohh

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