Well

List the people you admire and look to for advice…

My mom would say that’s a deep subject!

Marian D.Bittinger Heike

My mom,

Tormented and pushed by my older sister,

Gas lit for 4 years

No White Knight on his steed came to our rescue,

No one cared about the truth,

I was gay caretaker of my mom all my life,

I promised her she never go to a home when I was 9,

After my sister’s fifth marriage she decided she needed to force our mother from her Waukon,Iowa home to live in Granbury Texas,

I wrote sixteen pages to Iowa Human Services because my older sister had placed me on elder abuse and twi twelve, the first day I sat my first class at Luther College Fifty-six pages she produced and gave human services of Iowa they painted her gay empath sister a monster.

No one ever thought if I had been the monster she painted me she’d be dead, 

White trash, that is Diana Lee Dudley would have been dead and in a sinkhole in October of two fourteen when she stuck her fist in our eighty-six year old mother’s face and shouted at her that we didn’t have the right to have doors that locked cuz in her mind we had nothing of value!¹

She moved heaven and Earth to achieve that goal then she financially abused my mother till she died five years  after two coding packs a week bought over the counter placed our diabetic mother our mom,

in Texas they don’t prescribe coding packs on diabetic elderly. my friend Susan lives in fort Worth she cared for her mother but the same age as my mom both riddled with arthritis she wasn’t giving codeine.

The only way you can get it is to buy it over the counter.

You’d  like my mom too she was artistic and fun and every room glowed from her presence,

Had no bigoted bone in her entire body,

John Wayne, Marion Wayne came guy he was born Marion and and Iowa boy,

John Wayne was strong and courageous he did more for horses and the treatment of horses in movies and anybody else.

Jimmy Stewart went in whem his country was in need of his services wore two different uniforms.

Flew missions over Germany driving bombs in his plane. Served through the war. Went in a buck private came out of one star general!

Was an A number one actor. I never liked It’s a wonderful Life but I never liked Forrest Gump either. I like Harvey better. Growing up gay in rural Iowa your best friends are always imaginary.

Andy Humm and Ann Northup MCs of Gay USA on Free speech TV. They record history in my  LGBTQ  family.

Doris Day and Betty White for their work with animals.

Michael j Fox for two reasons for being honorable and one of my favorite actors and for his work to improve the lives of people with Parkinson’s .

Bruce Willis for the people that the disease of dementia the kind he has has touched. My father had  dementia but he never got bad.One night some nurse just told him to die. He wasn’t going to die until we were with him. We didn’t know he died till the morning. Lee Norbert Heike,he wasn’t the best dad but he was the only dad we had.  When I saw him he looked like a bag where my dad used to be but all of my dad’s Spirit had gone. And now I’m crying more and  more.

Christopher Reeves I believe some place there’s a book and in that book is written who we are to meet. What turns  we are to take,  things we will discover, what things we will learn and in that book it had nothing about Christopher Reeve being a great actor. One of my favorite movies is ‘Somewhere in Time’, because I’m a writer and I  believe that everything is possible and I love Jane Seymour. That wasn’t what he was supposed to do. See in this book his goal hadn’t been achieved yet. That’s why he didn’t die when he fell from his horse.

Christopher became plodgepedic (I beg your pardon I can’t spell it and I can’t pronounce it i with tears in my eyes. I can’t see to write it.) We  learned from watching Michael J Fox they’re both of them chose well when they married. I grew up watching Michael J Fox, young lesbian butches we have role too you know!

These two lads time on earth was short.They both made me smile and cry at their parting. Christopher and his foundation and Michael’s foundation will help thousands that’s why they were born they weren’t here to entertain us! These two guys were here to make lives better.

Sally Struthers not for acting ability but it was her granddad who started a program for children and she carried it on and I am proud of her.

Marlo Thomas Danny Thomas’s daughter did they same. I love to watch Danny Thomas he was a great comic persona. And he was big when I was a child. When he was a little boy there were a lot of people who got polio most of them children and they couldn’t go to the hospital they couldn’t afford it. Danny Thomas starting Saint Judes.  Marlow following her father’s footsteps carried on the mission.

Mary Elsie Collins from my hometown Waukon, Iowa. Mary and her brother Bob started Impro in  Waukon, Iowa was one of the first companies in the state of Iowa to hook up with a company in Japan. I’m thinking merge but I’m not sure that’s the right term. Impro is all organic they even make toothpaste  for humans and animals it’s not toxic it’s all organic.

That is not why Mary Elsie Collins makes my list  nor is it because I worked for her and was proud to know her. A strong single woman who lived with a brother made regular trips to Rome and brought me rosaries blessed by the Pope.

Mary did something wonderful. I don’t know if you know this, however Mary had all babies not baptized who were not buried on consecrated ground which is blessed by the priests of the community,moved. In her lifetime she had all the babies all the babies buried at Mount Olivet² outside of Waukon Iowa moved to blessed land.

Lottie Henrietta Starkey, my mom’s mom also an empath just like Mom and myself. Painter author musician writer,drawer. What she did every year might not seem like much to you. But there’s one thing that stands out of my mind and my grandma. See my grandma was a humanitarian.

Not one of my favorite people. mom’s side of the family held it against me because I look like Dad and they didn’t like that. So they take it out on a kid! Christians. My grandma is a Christian different kind of guess.

Every fall she throw a big picnic in her backyard for all the neighborhood kids. and she bring down all those towels and sheets those brand new ones she had in her Lenna closet. she make sure every single one of the children on her block kind of brand new bedroom towel set sheets and pillow cases and towels.

Who is this gesture that stayed with me all my life. not the fact that I always felt like I didn’t belong in her family. My grandma is pure Norwegian a royal stock. and my granddad was 11th generation American.

Grandpa Clarence Ward Bittinger was 63 shortest or three brothers and Nana was just pushing 5 ft. when we drive away after a visit they be standing in the front porch by the metal screen door .

One of my goals in my lifetime is to get my mother’s ashes return to Iowa before the white trash w**** of my family dies and Granbury Texas and get Mom’s ashes laid with her folks where she had wanted them in her will to be.

I want everyone to understand that mother never removed me from my my mother’s will the only part she removed me from was the part my older sister pushed her to remove me from my granddad’s property because Diana saw profit from it. Cub Lake 275 acreas in Chipquamigan National forest.

Mary Florence Jean Ryan Fitzgerald my best friend on Earth who drives my guardian angels.Born Mary Ryan Waukon,Iowa. I worked for her bafter Leo died her husband. I was 26 I thought I could make money taking care of little old ladies and all I found is by heart  and where the best food and who made what when. I drove for them. I love them I miss them so much. Life is empty without  them and my mom. They were my first girlfriends and I was twenty-six, I had fifteen. Mom never got why I love them. And wanted to spend all my time with them.

Best years taking care of my ladies 14 Irish Catholic and one Norwegian married to an Irish Catholic.

Mildred Marsden

Julia Ryan

Vonny White

Loretta Ryan

Elsie Haas

Bea Fahay

Beatrice Reagan

Beatrice Zahl

Lorna Baxter

Colleen Hart

Margaret Stratte

Grandma Ferring

My mom

Alice, and Irene Brainerd(sisters)

Beulah Bowers

Mrs Connors

All these ladies are gone now they all matter to me in special ways. They trusted me to care for them. My older sister lied me on the elder abuse. She took my livelihood, she crushed me within an inch of my life after murdering me twice in a smoke-filled house with burnt lungs December 3rd at 2:14. Diana convince all my family and my nephews my godson my boys that knew me better than anybody else that I abused my mom it never happened.

My nephew,Daniel Eric Mathis , ran into a fire a building  next to  dad’s old office in my hometown ,got a governors award but could not stand up to my older sister and call her a liar!

I had to learn in a newspaper that he got married and had a son in twenty one. Imagine how that feels to someone who loved her Godson snd her family with all her heart more than life.I wish that someday before I die someone  tells Daniel Eric Mathis in Waukon,Iowa what an Ass he is for not trusting his heart or his Godmother .That his Godmother was never an elder abuser,nevér ever harmed anyone especially her best friend and mom.

Daniels time is running out one day I’ll be dead and like his mom I will never hear him say he was wrong.

Footnote:

1. I will always regret that I did not take her life feel the last breath from my sister escape her body and it went limp in my hands and I drug her carcass from the house and drug it to the truck and laid in the back of the truck and took it to Bill Ferrings farm and dumped it in a single! Diana knew I never heard anyone in my entire life and she bet On It! Lesson to be learned here never f*** with a poet or a writer cuz we don’t forget.

2. The Catholic cemetery outside of Waukon Iowa.